Thursday, October 16, 2008

Chemo VS Cancer VS Casey

It was a landslide today....Chemo wins. If chemo can do to cancer what it is doing to me...I'm as good as cured. Just occurred to me that I really do not feel cancer is a part of me. I'm so confused.

This will be a long post, and maybe late, because it was a physically and emotionally draining day. One of the harder days of my life...I type with tears now. Ug.

I have been contemplating how is should post this, but after today, it deserves to be the center piece: READ it...really read it. Think of that scene in White Men Can't Jump - you listen to jimmy Hendrix, but do you hear him...
Attitude
by Charles Swindoll
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on my life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past ... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our attitudes."
www.attitudesforeducation.com - this is a charitable scholarship foundation I started 5 years ago with my four fantastic cousins. I didn't know it, but I have been preparing for cancer for a long time!
I truly believe that Attitude makes a difference. Sometimes I try to believe that that asshole that just cut me off is on his cell phone because he is talking to his wife who is on the way to the hospital. Sometimes.

Ok...so it won't be a long post. I have nausea, stomach cramps, a head ache and dry mouth. I feel like I am trying pooh my bowels out and barf stomach out. I was able to get down some Kyril and that seemed to work with the nausea...but the others are still there. Anyways, so in lieu of my usual long drawn out version...I'll be shorter....

Arrived at 8:15 and got into the chemo room around 8:45 - they started me with 4 oral drugs and then IV of saline and then of benadryl. I think it was round 10:30 that they started with the Rituxan - and around 1pm it started to disagree with me. I had reaction...my shoulders started to get itchy and I got this itchy tingly weird feeling in my throat - they stopped the chemo immediately and called over some more nurses...it was kind of freaky. But, the nurses there are freaking fantastic!!!! They gave me some more benadryl another antihistamine via IV for about the next 1.5 hours...this put me to around 4pm and the cancer center closes at 5pm, which would mean that I would have to come back the tomorrow at 1pm (they set up the appointment) - but then they changed their minds and pushed me through the CHOP part of the chemo treatment. This was great...I was the ONLY person left in the cancer center and they stayed late...about 4 nurses.

I came home, had a great meal, relaxed..then those damn side effects started. And here they come again...

I'm out!

Super

6 comments:

KJR said...

Jeff, you are in my thoughts every minute of every day. I love you very much. This is the painful part of getting healthy again. One down 7 to go. each day is a day closer to health and getting your life back again. It will happen. Some day this will be a distant memory. Yes, you have been preparing for this, and not even knowing it. Weird how life works sometime. No one deserves cancer, but it happens, we deal with it and we move on. It does make us stronger and without a doubt makes you really really really appreciate life and all it's ups and downs. You will overcome! smile! Oh and did I say I love you!

Anonymous said...

Jeff, you are in my thoughts. It was just three days after loosing my uncle to this awful disease that I learned you had cancer. I watched him struggle for years. I know you will be able to beat this! Your right attitude is everything! Your spirit is amazing and some day this will all be behind you. I have faith that this will all be behind you and your family one day.
liesh

Nadia said...

In the battle of the Cs my vote is with Super Casey. You got the name for a reason my friend. We're thinking of you often. My love to all of you... Nads.

goooooood girl said...

Well well well......

tom porter said...

Hi Jeff. The Porter family and your friends at Windsor Squash & Fitness Club are thinking about you and wishing you a complete and speedy recovery.Looking forward to your return to the squash courts. Let us know if we can be of any assistance. All the best to you and your family, Tom and Marcy
P.S.- you can access some interesting life observations at www.tut.com

John said...

It's all confusing for you. But without you I would have been screwed in alot of ways. I suspect you will have halped many others along the way. Enjoy that little girl now my friend!

John Maisonville