Again - not a bad day.
I took all my drugs as prescribed and got Big John to give me my neupogen shot (thanks). I had to take ativan 2 times today for nausea...nausea sucks. My finger tips are still numb, I'm tired, minor headache...nothing too major.
I heard one of my best friends give a eulogy today that was very impressive. Such a strong character this guy has. He is one of the best. He demonstrated to me how to be strong in a difficult situation.
Now that Hammy has given me permission to be active I feel like a new person. I went to the gym today and hit the squash ball around for 20min and exhausted myself. I then went and walked on the treadmill for 12min - and was finished. Holy crap am I out of shape. On the squash court I worked on testing my mobility - slow lunges and making sure I had my hand eye co-ordination. I got dizzy a few times on the court and the treadmill. But all in all, I am glad I went. I really can't push myself with this. Too bad...but at least I can get out there.
I have been thinking a lot about my head and what the social worker talked to me about and the spiritual healer told me. They were both a bit overwhelming, but both have a lot to offer. I am going to follow through with both. However, I am going to be sure that I am in charge of what positions I put myself and will be sure to fully understand what I am about to put myself through, if anything.
I have read about some cancer patients going through hell and they will likely not survive. I hate reading that, and will stop it.
I have talked to patients who have nooooo clue what cancer they have, nor any info about the drugs they are on. That is not me.
I have read about people who are alone. That is definitely not me.
I have read caregivers posting questions that should be coming from the patients (and maybe some are) but that is not me.
I have read stupid stupid stupid questions from patients where it is evident that they do not have a good doctor. That is not me. Soooo not me.
I have heard from hundreds of people, over 200 people read my blog everyday, over 1,500 different people have been to my blog, over 16,000 hits on my blog, I have the best family in the world, the most beautiful wife and daughter in the world (yes I do), the best friends in the world, I am in charge of my cancer and I know what I am doing.
I have to remember this.
Man this thing is a roller coaster!!!!!
The shirts should come in tomorrow....I sure damn hope so!
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1 comment:
Jeff, it sounds as though you have turned another corner. I as tried to visualize this, I see an object that is probably like a super duper octagon on steriods. Lots of corners to turn. I love what you wrote today. You are taking charge again. It is OK, and even expected that you have your doubts and fears, but you have taken back your power again and forging forward. That is not to say that doubts and fears will return again, but you have the power to put them into perspective and continue to move forward.
Getting some physical activity is good for the body and the mind. Maybe I can now beat you in squash!!! hahahahaha. At least for the next few months anyway.
You are also very brave to take the plunge into healing your "head". Good for you. My guess is that through this whole experience, this spiritual healing will be the most profound. You will learn so many things that will help you in life, and you will be able to teach and show Isabella too. Maybe the words "spiritual healing" are too foriegn to you, but I look forward to hearing about your journey.
Yes, take it slow, at your pace.
And yes, stop reading ASSHOLE!!!!! Didn't I tell you that long ago!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahaha
See you soon,
Love Kym
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